her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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