im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
