Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i've created a new STD.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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