watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the day after is always just damage control
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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