I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
