Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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