why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
