u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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