sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
