That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
