yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize