checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
