apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
