my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
