She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
