It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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