I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
