Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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