Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
