if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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