were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
