Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
