she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Actions speak louder than pants.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
