Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Help. Why am I so naked?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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