So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
