They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
