I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
