he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
