you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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