bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Couch. On fire.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
