Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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