So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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