Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
