hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
