I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
