Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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