it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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