just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
