Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Randomize
