i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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