are you still at the devil's house?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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