i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
