Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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