his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
