He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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