wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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