I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
