drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
