He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
