it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
