Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
