Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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