My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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