What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
