Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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