dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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