"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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