Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
