I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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