she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
