he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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