if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Alive.
So much puke
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
