he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
