this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
