just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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