So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize