My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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