youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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