Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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