mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
